


Does He Love Me?

by VeryFckingAmusing



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Set during Vengeance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:12:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryFckingAmusing/pseuds/VeryFckingAmusing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nasir cannot help but wonder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Does He Love Me?

_Yes, but does he love me?_ Nasir wonders when brutish hands are soft and affectionate on his cheeks and the gladiator smells of ash and victory. Chadara thinks so. She says it with jealous eyes and, later with spiteful voice when they are alone. It is a tone he has never heard from her lips. Nasir wonders if the gods ask him to trade; Chadara's friendship for Agron's affection.

Mira thinks so. She is jealous, too, but not with lust for Agron. She keens for love of her own and orders Nasir to set aside foolish insecurity in favor of accepting gift with both hands. _Take all love_ , she commands, _any love you can_. But Nasir still wonders, because despite haunted stare and bitter words, Mira still basks in the glow of Spartacus's attention for all to see. Nasir wonders; if Spartacus and Mira are not love, what are Nasir and Agron?

He observes. Agron is his, he discovers. For now, at least. German barbarian returns to their bed every night without fail and, unless stealth and secrecy is taught at a ludus, Nasir never sees him with another. But this does not mean love, he knows, because there was a time when his dominus would have no other, too. And that, he thinks as he swallows rapidly to wash away sour taste on his tongue, was not love.

Agron has not taken him. Nasir knows that he wants to because he knows sex like he knows to breathe. He is trained in pleasure and knows where to look to find want (heat in the eyes, shortness of breath). But Agron resists, satiated with only lingering kisses and respectful touches. Confused, Nasir offers himself. Days after Agron returns from Capua, he waits for Agron in their makeshift private chamber. He strips away everything but his bandage and dabs oil over neck and the inside of his thighs. Heart thumps near painfully as he waits for Agron, waits to be filled and claimed and bred. Cock begins to swell at the thought.

But when Agron finally arrives to see feast laid out before him, he only scowls and covers Nasir with his coat, scolding the Syrian for torturing him. He lays down and opens arms to fall to sleep but Nasir cannot look at him, curled in on himself and eyes stinging with hot, embarrassed tears. _He does not want me. He keeps me around as pretty trinket until he finds a worthy lover._ But then Agron, shocked and remorseful, explains that he only means to spare Nasir pain until his wound is fully healed. Nasir stares at him for several long moments and thinks. _Maybe he loves me._

When bandages are removed and finally they fuck, Nasir lets himself believe it just for those moments.

Soon, duties within the rebellion and nagging worry that their time is running out quell petty wonderings. Nasir and Agron fuck and kiss and live, no questions asked. Nasir learns pride as he grows. He isn't the fiercest warrior in their stock, not by far. But Spartacus looks pleased with his progress and he feels unknown strength in himself. His body is changing, a thing Agron gives particular attention to. He feels ready to face the Romans again and this time, he intends to kill them all.

But beneath it all, his question is still without an answer. _Does he love me?_

The closest he gets to an answer, he thinks, is the one night Agron lets himself go. It is shortly after their ranks swell with Germans, when Nasir finds him hidden away from celebration, hot tears brimming in his eyes. He is mourning brother, memories flooding back the minute he hears native tongue and witnesses the boisterous ways of his people. Nasir says nothing, because he knows there is nothing he can say, and holds shaking shoulders in a tight grip. Through sobs, Nasir discerns a broken sentence. _If I were to lose you..._ He hears, before the words are choked by another sob. He answers with sure grip and brush of lips upon temple. _Nasir..._ Agron moans miserably. Nasir knows then that Agron feels something for him. It is definite.

They are driven from their safe haven one night when they feel invincible. It is shocking. For Nasir, especially. He'd thought he was ready, but nothing could prepare him for the feeling of freezing cold mountain top and imminent starvation. Nothing could prepare him for watching Mira die, more blood pouring out of her than he'd thought was possible. It is messy and prolonged. Not the honorable death she deserves. He watches it happen and feels ashamed. It should make him angry, he knows. It should light a fire in his soul that could only be calmed by the death of Romans. But it only makes him afraid.

Spartacus's fire burns. A plan is set into motion. Nasir doesn't understand, but he ties vines with numb fingers as instructed and wonders nervously if their leader means for them to fashion a noose. But four ropes come of their efforts and as Spartacus begins to speak, he deducts their plan. He counts the ropes, once, twice and once more but there's no mistake; one is for Agron. And then his lover is leaving his side without a word and Nasir feels blood turn to ice.

The four gladiators will scale the mountain and attack the Romans from behind. The risk is high, higher than anything yet. Nasir gathers rope in hands and wonders if he'll ever see Agron again. With hungry eyes, he tries desperately to imprint Agron in his mind. Agron; fierce and hulking with wild eyes, shouting something unheard as the dark sky rumbles. And then he turns to Nasir and gives him a look so determined it floors him. Agron does this for him, so he will not die cold on this mountaintop. He risks life on a plan born of Spartacus's half-mad grief with no hesitation, driven by the small chance that they might be rid of this horrible place. Nasir sets his jaw and return's Agron's heated stare. _I won't let go. I will find you at the bottom of the mountain and we will bathe in Roman blood together. Because you love me._

**Author's Note:**

> Bleeergh, okay truthfully I hate writing canon cos I feel like a bumbling idiot. But this idea wouldn't leave me alone and I do like some little parts of the result so I'm gonna post it anyway and hope I don't get run out of town like the goddamn Frankenstein monster. Please, in the spirit of Halloween and Dan Feuerriegel's birthday, put the pitchforks down!! 
> 
> I just love that moment in the last ep of Vengeance when Nasir and Agron look at each before the fight. It's so powerful.


End file.
